Monday, June 20, 2011

On Losing My Virginity and the Frustrating Dry Phase

It was the most eagerly anticipated loss of virginity. Clichéd as it sounds …it was the backseat. The front seat came a month later. I am writing about it after all these years , because I have not been getting any... for a very long time. I absolutely believe that if I write about it, I will be getting some real action soon! It was good, it was perfect. I want more … a lot more.


That day everything was new. I was the new girl in a new city. Was with a new set of friends in a new book store in a new mall. A new friend offered to drop me home. Thank you.

I heard it before I saw it. And I knew I was about to lose my virginity.

The tingling started instantly. I could feel the blood rushing into my face. I could smell the leather, could see the glint of metal. No foreplay will be required.
I mounted the back seat… Royal Enfield Bullet Electra Black.I closed my eyes, felt the vibrations and smiled in rapture as the bike thundered.  Riding- on- the Royal Enfiled – virginity… LOST.

And  a month later I got to be the one riding the beast for the first time!

Not the story you had in mind? -  SCREW YOU.
Of all the various virginities lost, this was worth the wait. Unlike many other first time experiences, this was better than what they say it is. HEADY potent stuff. Darnn it is so good that they may make it illegal!

It’s THE oldest Motorcycle in the world.
Its not a bike. It’s a beast, a baby, a bitch and your guardian angel all rolled into one.
If God rode a bike it would be a Royal Enfield. Don’t believe me? There is a shrine in Rajasthan where the idol is a Royal Enfield 350. I was hoping to pay homage earlier this year, hopefully the next year now.

Come to think of it, I actually follow my Code of the Bullet more religiously than the ten commandments. Don’t believe me? If I ever steal it will be a Bullet. If I ever covet someone else’s possession, which I do and it is a Bullet. (Shan if you are reading this you know that I have my eyes on your beast)

Come to think of it, I never really shared my Code of the Bullet with anyone. So here goes…this part deals with interpersonal interactions based on the presence or absence of a Bullet.

You have a Bullet – I am your friend. I will seek you out, find you and befriend you. I did that just few months ago. I went to an Ashram to let go off my worldly thoughts and there SHE was - a BLACK THUNDERBIRD. I sought out the guy who owns it. We are bonded for life (as long as he has the bike)

You buy a bike and its not a Bullet…. Remember there are boys and then there is the Bullet. I will have to inject you with growth hormones. I am proud to say I did turn few mamma’s boys into men. Thank You. Thank You.

You had a Bullet and then moved on to some chick shit… I will remove you from my facebook news feed. I am serious. I did that to a bimbo (who was once a man) who now sits on some yellow tweety. The yellow tweety happened after he got smashed in the crotch by a yellow submarine - condolences but WTF? 

You are separated from your Bullet… I will pray for your soul. Sandy, Sivaji may you be reunited with your Bullet soon. I am holding a candle light vigil for you.

If rat buys a Bullet… he becomes a non plague causing rat. Last year I finally found it in my heart to start talking to a rat, because he redeemed himself by getting a Bullet.

Well I could go on and on… But the truth is I am not getting any :(  Its been a long frustrating dry phase ever since I came to Hong Kong. I am in a city where there are no Bullets. (Sorry Islanders all I see here is Hello Kitty and Mickey Mouse!!) Since I couldn’t get lucky here I tried to get lucky when I went to India. There too multiple plans of Bullet trips were laid to waste. (SHAAAA I hate you!!!) It made me think a while about what is my future with the Bullet.

I meditated over it…

and finally it dawned

Be the Man! Get the Beast

So this year I hope to be able to get a license and get the beast to Hong Kong. I want to ride my Bullet for Christmas. Each time I write something I get it. So please read this..pass it on and year end I will be posting pics! Come on I am in the prime of my life and I am not getting any….

Hey Prasad, any chance you can give me that Bullet sitting idle at your place?  Hong Kong and I can be  the  muse for your  Art of Motorcylcing :)

Next stop - Hong Kong?  :)
Is anyone from Royal Enfield reading this? Heyy think about it - since Bullet Baba passed away, you really dont have a Yogi riding one ...  COME ON!!!

Photos: From the Royal Enfiled Website


  1. Cool.. Royal Enfield guys will surely get hard on..

  2. I noticed one awesome 1976 model imported from England in Mysore. The guy said it cost Rs. 960,000/- I said, so beautiful to look with a hole in my pocket. :D

  3. :) If I had that big a pocket .... I would be with her! For now its the pics

  4. had one in goa 25 years ago, "queen of anjuna" and flames printed on the tank, pure love !

  5. Quote

    there SHE was - a BLACK THUNDERBIRD

    BIG NO.. . its not SHE..

    Its HIM...

    Perfect buddy of a MAN, HE is MANLY.... don't use the feminine gender to describe Enfield Bullet.

    My friend is with me since Nov 1 2008 and we had an accident together.. :)


  6. How cool is that ...even my accident was on a Thunderbird!

    The guy dint even check if I was ok... he was obviously worried about his Birdy!

  7. Hey Nuts... sure u'll ride the Honkong Roads in a Royal Enfield soon... i'm visualising that.. u wearing a helmet... riding Him... :)


  8. Dude...last year end, you all wanted to go in car! Come this time...we will bullet it :)

  9. Shaa : lets not even go there!! shan was my only highlight of last year!! oh and the thunderbird in the ashram

    :) i did shock u for a bit dint i?

  10. Tussi great ho, Taufa Kabul Karo.....
    A Bulleteer here loved ur suspense....
    I wish, I could find more Bulleteers like you ;-)

  11. "Made like a gun, goes like a bullet"!!

  12. Ride Alone

    Tofah Kabool!
    YOu want to find bulleteers like me? i dont have one for now... so am not yet a bulleteer. Inshalla soon :)

  13. Bishu

    goes like the bullet... sounds like heaven

  14. "Yeh Bullet meri Jaan"....sure is the best bike I have riden till date.

  15. I kinda agree with Jevan...infact I named my 500 cc enfield - Thor and no, I didn't copy it from the latest Hollywood flick, I named it 5 yrs back when I bought it! :)

    Btw, after reading your blog, nostalgia did strike...I hardly ride my Thor these days as I live out of India but I just may buy a new bullet here :) I miss the "thump" and all the Ducatis and the Suzukis of the world can't match it :)


  16. Nuts the above script is a master blaster.....Duuh Duuh Duuh Duuh sounds like thundering he he he i too own a bullet, i miss him far away from me.......

  17. awesome, your words have royal bullet power.
    Keep thumping.

  18. @ Siva
    Actually I was gonna reply to Bisu that
    goes like the bullet... thor's hammer...(then the hollywood crept in and i said sounds like heaven ;))

    we could argue on and on about the gender of the bullet. thought for food is that many of the 'toughest' 'salt of the earth' 'where eagles dare' men i have met are women.

    may u be with ur thor and may i thump soon
    lov n light

  19. @ hazeeb

    looks like a lot of us reading this post are missing our thumps

    post pics when u r with urs!

  20. ANO

    thanks! hope to thump soon ;)

  21. Hehehehehehehe...loved reading this...and ur crazy, just as crazy as I am bout the Bullet... :P


  22. Thumping blog on thumping machine. Another reason to ride bull to kerala or even hk.
    why not..?

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