My God is a dude named Joe.
When I was younger, he wore loose white robes and had a red shawl draped on his shoulder. He had long dark hair, a gaunt angular face. I met him in my late teens. He was love, he was light. He dished out the most soul fulfilling hugs. He felt I deserved everything I ever wanted. To him, I was special. He would go to the ends of the world for me.
Years went by. I gave up my pink frocks for jeans. He gave up his robes and shawl for linen trousers and fitted shirts. I grew my hair while he sported a pony tail and a trimmed beard.
I grew busy with life. I saw less and less of him. I saw more and more of computer monitors and code. Once in a rare while, I would shout out my Likes, update him of my Status or leave a Comment. If he was hosting an event, I would sign up as Maybe and not turn up. Each time I had a new wish, or was suffering from the consequences of an old wish fulfilled; I would promptly mail/ ping him. He would do the needful I ask, each time.. every time.
I designed WISH. He executed it. However when I ran the program, I saw bugs. So I went ahead and designed WISH version 1.0. I spotted bigger bugs. WISH version 2.0 got designed next. He patiently executed my version 2.0; version 3.0… His job was not to ask why or to make me see sense. He did not tell me, “girl your basic algorithm of WISH is crap”. He believed in freewill. He believed I had the right to create my bugs, my creepy crawly bugs galore. He believed my duty was to learn from them and eventually live life bug free.
The WISH project went on and on and on. The tiny bugs grew to become elephants.
One day I woke up and realized that my life was nothing like I wanted it to be. From pretty screen saver images, it was a series of fatal error messages. The software crashed, the hardware crashed. The warranty had run out. Most parts were obsolete. HOLY SHIT how did I land up here?
There was nothing, absolutely nothing flashing on my monitor. And who the hell unplugged the system? I was PISSED, upset, hurt, I had had enough. This was NOT what I wanted. That night I shouted at Joe, “ J O E !!!! Gimmmmeeee a break. Gimme a fucking break”.
And a break he gave me!
For the first time since the creation of the universe he raised his voice “YOU give… ME a break”
God wants me to give him a break. There must be some mistake.
Maybe not. He hurled at my perplexed face. “Woman, give me a frigging break! I have bent over backwards providing you with whatever you fancy. You play a while and then, OUCH THIS is not it…Gimme THAT. Now YOU want a break. WOW. Each time, I did something you asked of me, I really REALLY hoped that you would learn from your stupidity. That you will see. But NO, SORRY ,you do not want to learn. Learn is not in your agenda. What the fuck is you agenda anyways? Nu, do you have a clue? “. He looked tired.
He wants a fight? I give him one. “You are God, you figure out my agenda. Who said I should have an agenda? What happened to the you-have- a- plan- for- me? What happened to the you will guard- guide- me shit? Stop blaming me for being such a lousy God. Now that all is lost, you blame me for something you were supposed to do and dint” I then whined out my famous line. ”This is unfair”
He lost it. “Unfair??? Do you know what fair is? Fair is that I put up with your shit all this while. And why the fuck should I guard-guide-you? Are you telling me that you are incapable of doing that yourself? I have a plan for you and that is why I dumped you with that thing between your ears. The rule is simple “ask, and you receive.. “. Your job is to ask, my job is to give. That’s all. Simple. So do me a favor, stop whining unfair and THINK."
"What do you want from this life? Because NO ONE, absolutely no one, including me, can tell you what you want. Nu, so tell me, what is it that you want? You better REALLY want what you ask for, because I will really give it to you. And that is a promise”
I want… (silence)
Oops. I did not know. I was busy wallowing over all the past error messages, the crashed systems that I did not have the energy to think of what- do- I -really -want?
“I need to think”, I replied.
He let out a sigh and said, “ Thank GOD. Finally a sensible statement by Nu”. His tone softened and he added “take your time. I am around. When you are ready to create come back.”
“Joe don’t leave me, not now... am lost…” I broke down. He sat down beside me
“Sweetheart, I love you. I will NEVER EVER leave you... Now don’t cry… You know I can’t stand those tears.. Darn those tears.” , He dished out a soul fulfilling hug and held me there. He was love, he was light.
“I don’t do this often, but girl, you are so full of shit that I am going to try and fix things.”
My face lit up and I was about to design the latest WISH version.
He put a finger to my lips, hushed me into silence. “That is not what I meant. I am going to help you learn… from the basics.”
"Now lie back…stretch. That is better. Now inhale… deeply. Now exhale…. Feel the air as you breath. Inhale deeply… exhale. As you exhale let all the tensions release….” He spoke in his most soothing voice. His voice guided me to my breath, helping me relax. Soon the voice gave away to the sound of the crickets, wind rustling through the leaves, an occasional croak of a frog…
I slept very well that night.
My God is a dude named Joe. He feels I deserve everything I ask for. To him, I am special. He would go to the ends of the world for me.